Different and yet the same

Don’t you just love the initial stages of a relationship when you’re still getting to know each other? When every little thing about them intrigues you, makes you smile, gives you undeniable proof that this is your soulmate? Sis, that tingly feeling, that’s common sense leaving you body.

Six years later, what I have come to appreciate about us is that we’re different and yet we’re the same. Truly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Okay, maybe I would have you stop leaving one sip of milk in the carton. Or a spoonful of cabbage with a sip of soup in the bowls in the fridge. And I would LOVE if you would stop stomping around the house like the giants we used to read about in storybooks. Why does it sound like Armageddon when you wake up before me? I mean, perhaps, if you also stopped using every available dish when cooking that would be nice. Did you really need to use 4 graters, 19 bowls and a slipper to make breakfast? That meal slapped though. See what i did there? Huh? Huh?

Oh and speaking of dishes, why do you soak everything before you put it in the sink or counter? Our kitchen looks like there’s always a water shortage so we harvest water even with our spoons. Then, if it’s not too much to ask, could you gain like 12kgs before Christmas so that people think I actually feed you? Aaaaand, it would give me so much joy if you ate other fruits because the Kikuyu in me is fighting hard not to plant an apple tree or grape vine at the back of the house where we hang clothes

And since we’re already having this conversation, dude, those farts though, eh, you need Jesus or a doctor or a detox, I dunno man! WE EAT THE SAME FOOD so I dunno what’s coming out of your other end. Mine sound like a unicorn’s laughter and smell like flowers, so I dunno what is going with you. Also, we have a fart hole in our roof so I guess we’re not getting our deposit back thanks!

Too much? No? Never! This is us and like I said, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

 

 

How is marriage?

 

Every time someone asks me how marriage is I wonder what the appropriate response is…

Should I tell them about the time after a fight instead of asking if I’ve eaten my husband ate all the leftovers? Or the day I cooked popcorn and left it covered on the stove so he would think there was food? Or the way he kisses me every day before leaving the house and tries to remember to do it even on our bad days? Or how I cook githeri because even though I can’t stand it he loves it so I guess I’m having a sandwich for dinner? Or when I bought a cute crop hoodie he protested I was buying something that can’t fit him but he will wear it proudly like a dancer in those old Whitney Houston videos?
Or how he washed my car himself because I was too busy with school? Or that I get miffed when he wears a t-shirt that I wanted to wear. Yes, I know the clothes are his.
Or the way on really bad days I feel comforted just by knowing there’s someone to come home to but on other days I also want to hide, have some space/deal with things on my own and he understands me well enough to leave me be but sits near me or stretches his leg towards me on the couch?
Maybe it’s that on some days I want to do everything together, sleep at the same time, watch the same series, cook&eat together, nap on the couch, run errands but on other days I need us to operate with military like efficiency and multitask on certain things and just get things done!

Or how when he laughs his eyes crinkle up and it gives me so much joy to be with and around him? Or how he wraps his long self around me because our bed is small but on the day we have a fight he might as well sleep with one foot on the ground? Or the day he was helping me do general cleaning and he thought I was being a bit extreme so he said “Weh, at this rate itabidi tumetoa roof pia we air the house” 🙄
In stead I’ll look at you and say, “Marriage is great and we’re doing well.”

Which we really are on most days 😊

Social media

I am fiercely protective of the people I love both online&offline. I also used to think that if I shared (my relationship) on social media then:

1. I would be oversharing.

When I think about it deeply, I don’t know EXACTLY what that means. It’s too much according to who? We’re so different&what might be okay for you might be too much for me. Or if you choose not to share it doesn’t mean you’re any “better/worse” than I am. Ummm, how many times you post really isn’t a measure of the success or failure of your relationship. Can we just agree on that?

2. Someone would steal my boyfriend, now husband.

Yeah, I know, I know🙄 Eventually, I came to the realisation that he’s not a phone or a handbag he is a living, breathing, reasoning human. If he wants to go, he will go, whether or not I post/tag him. He’s fair game if he CHOOSES TO BE. A picture of us on his/my profile isn’t going to deter anyone who wants to test the waters.

3. Someone would find out something (probably negative) about us&would make negative comments and/or judge us.

Let’s face, it tunapenda udaku!! And what better udaku than a couple who you can trace their relationship up to the point some pictures go missing/one of them starts posting inspirational messages which is how you know they’ve broken up? But how does that information benefit your life? Why are we so happy to find out something negative about others? Does our misery love company that much?

I don’t have the perfect formula for social media&relationships but can I just ask that you check your heart? What are your intentions? Are you showing off? Are you trying to make someone else jealous? Are you pressuring your partner to post you? Why do you want to be seen so badly? To what end?

Social media is just a snippet of our actual lives it shouldn’t be the end all & be all that validates us.

Anyway, babe since you’re all over my timeline if they make you an offer you can’t refuse please usiende tu na bei ya jioni 🤣🤣

Even tears are prayers

I can be my own worst enemy. You’d think that because I spend a lot of time with myself I would be kinder, nicer, gentler but no. It is BECAUSE I know myself so intimately that there are parts of me that I can’t hide, I have nowhere to go & can’t escape myself.
I wish I would spend hours on end being my own cheerleader but alas on my worst days I have been the one to tear myself down. To beat myself up & drag me through the mud and yet I have shown more compassion to that girl I just met in the bathroom drunk as a skunk talking to herself in the mirror&calling everyone who passes by sweety.

It’s so easy to pretend with other people. All you have to do is smile when they ask if you’re okay or ignore WhatsApp or delete that long paragraph reply and send this 😃 but this 😭 is how you’re really doing inside.

Sis, is this you? Are you me?

Oh hun **hugs** That’s a phrase my best friend and I use, sending virtual hugs to each other because we live far apart so that’s all we have sometimes.

One of my close friends and I agreed that even if it’s not each other we will always try and find just 1 person we can tell if something is wrong.

Sometimes it’s hard enough admitting to ourselves that something is wrong and when we do we think “If I can’t tell the person closest to me then who can I tell?” Don’t buy into it! Tell someone else. Tell another (trusted) friend, call your mother, tell the girl in your study group, tell the stranger who strikes up a conversation with you in the mat but just make they aren’t your neighbour because then they tell everyone your business and then you’re THAT GURL in the estate 🤦‍♀️but you get what I mean yeah?

Oh and if all else fails, whisper/shout/scream/cry to the universe because even tears are prayers and God hears us all so you’re not alone. Please tell someone.

Don’t allow yourself to believe that whatever you feel or are going through is only yours to carry. I have learned the hard way that if I can fill my cup with negative things then I can also fill it with positives. In that moment when I think something bad I can also choose to negate it and replace it with something good. You wouldn’t let your best friend heck even a stranger on the internet talk that way to themselves so why would you do it to yourself?

So here’s to you, having open, meaningful, heart wrenching conversations. Crack that shit open and see what happens…